Saturday, July 29, 2017

Movie review: No Country for Old Men

The short of it: what an overrated snooze fest. 0/5

The long of it: One of my first thoughts towards the beginning of the movie was that maybe I'd like it better if Peter Sarsgaard were in it. That shouldn't be surprising. I thought I'd watch this movie because it was on Netflix and supposedly it's good and it's fairly well known. I think it's right about on par with The Shining in terms of my opinion about it. Also, this one guy I'm messaging on the online dating website said that it was a good movie. How wrong was he! 

This movie was very boring and languid and had very little tension/excitement. Blah. Shattered Glass was more exciting than this and that movie didn't even have any murder in it, just a lack of journalistic integrity on the part of Stephen Glass. Hayden Christensen was good in that role. 
This movie was supposed to be a crime movie but it was really boring for a crime movie. Nightcrawler was better than this movie. 

Anyways, that's about 2 hours of my life down the drain that I COULD HAVE spent watching Peter Sarsgaard in something, like, say, Garden State or An Education. Javier Bardem was in this movie as a murderer and he was, I guess, sort of creepy but not that much because the movie as a whole was boring and wooden. And what an awful anticlimactic ending. Not to mention an awful haircut on his character in this movie. He was good in Skyfall though, where he had a less boring role and a less anticlimactic ending. It would've been interesting if Peter Sarsgaard had had his role in this movie. The movie still probably would've been boring but at least it'd have had Peter in it who I could gaze at and hear say things, which I'm always happy to do.

There was a scene where Javier Bardem's character had recently gotten shot, so he exploded a car in front of a pharmacy so he could rob it for drugs and medical supplies while everyone else got distracted by the car fire. Which he did and then he was in a bath tub washing the blood off of his leg where he had gotten shot, and the water got all bloody. Then he started picking out the bullet fragments and stuff and injecting lidocaine into it. Ick. This whole scene was sort of gross. In an alternate universe where the movie was better and an actor I liked were playing the character washing blood off and picking out bullet fragments, maybe a scene like that could be weirdly attractive, but in this case it was just gross. Hmm, come to think of it, there was sort of a similar scene in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which I probably liked better (the scene). I definitely liked that movie better. 

I just don't think western movies are cut out for me. This one wasn't exactly a western movie, but it was set in Texas. I have NO IDEA how this movie won an Oscar... it was so, so mediocre. Gah.  

Conclusion: unless you like boring movies and/or looking at Javier Bardem in the way that I like looking at Peter Sarsgaard, don't waste your time. 

As a parting thought, it seems like I'm thinking everyone and their brother looks like Peter Sarsgaard these days. Anthony Scaramucci, this guy in Congress I saw on CNN this evening (Lee Zeldin, if you're wondering), this guy I saw in person today (who didn't look super similar to Peter exactly, but something about him just seemed to resemble Peter in some way or another...)... my 'facial recognition software' is most definitely a bit screwy, I think. 

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