"I thank God every day that I eat what I want and don't get fat" If I were religious, I'd probably thank god as well. I also eat mostly what I wan't and haven't gotten hugely fatter or anything. It's kind of a miracle.
"The FBI is after me - and it turns me on" That's.. different. I wonder what kinds of crimes this person has presumably committed that would cause the FBI to be after them.
"Dear patrons who were entitled assholes: I hope you burned your fucking retinas out! - Your Friendly Public Librarian" That's not a very friendly thing to say. But I can relate to the sentiment of wishing that unsavory things would happen to people who I dislike/hate/find annoying/etc for whatever reason.
"I weigh 416 pounds... My body is a prison. I get no parole... I thought I had good behavior..." I wonder how much I'd have to eat in order to gain ~ 300 pounds to weigh 416 pounds. Apparently, much more/worse than I have been eating, and I haven't even been eating particularly healthily. I wonder what it would feel like to be that fat. That would be a lot of flesh to have on one skeleton.
"I am at my most judgmental when viewing a wedding registry (why do they expect me to buy them a $300 blender?!?)..." If this person feels so strongly about the bride and groom to be not being worthy of getting gifted a $300 blender for their wedding, maybe he/she should just stay home from the wedding..
"I thought divorce was the answer... I'm not any happier now that we're divorced" I feel like it would be quite something to be so... confused about your life that you think divorce is the solution to your problems, yet after actually getting divorced, realize that it didn't fix anything.. That seems like someone who's not very self-aware.
"I can't believe that in today's world you will not let your daughter date my biracial son. She'd be lucky to have him. You'd be lucky to have us. Don't be a jerk We are good parents and have raised a great kid." This one is sort of passive aggressive, but I can understand being angry about people being racist.
"I always feel awkward at the end of movies when the credits start to roll. I don't know why." I don't know why either. I like the credits, usually. And sometimes if you're lucky, they'll have a nice song over the credits.
"I'm not sure if my husband would be more shocked to know that I'm having an affair, or that it's with a paraplegic..." I wonder what circumstances led this person to meeting, and then starting an affair with a paraplegic. And theoretically, would the secret writer leave his/her husband to go and be with the paraplegic?? This reminds me of that odd dream I had about eyelashes guy where he became paralyzed (among other things) and it ended with his wife leaving him because she couldn't take the stress of him being paralyzed and having to cope with that and take care of him. Which is probably sort of a lousy thing to do if one's spouse theoretically becomes paralyzed, but hey, it was a dream.
"I let my best friend leave for war without telling him I was in love with him, Because I was too scared he wouldn't return." I... sort of don't get the reasoning behind this one? I don't see how it would be particularly awful for this guy to go off to war and know that his best friend was in love with him. Regardless of whether he gets killed in the war or not. Best case scenario, he doesn't get killed; second best, he only gets severely injured (paralyzed? Like in Born on the 4th of July?) but left alive... so morbid, I know. But that's not even considering the potential PTSD. That would probably strain a relationship. Speaking of which, Grey's Anatomy should be returning soon this month!!
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